Resuming work after a week hiatus is not something absorbing because you have lost that momentum you had before leaving for your break. It means “let’s start all over again” and that feeling SUCKS big time.
I just returned from Eid holidays about two weeks ago and the feeling was still the same. Mundane. I always have that permanent ancillary job (in my head) each time I have to go back to work i.e housewife. Don’t ever get me wrong, I am not saying being a housewife is easy but the thought of not being stuck in the office from 9-6 and not having to deal with certain difficult people who don’t matter in your life is very very pleasant.
Nevertheless, this year’s Eid celebration is totally different than what I normally had in the past. It has taught me the meaning of NIKMAT which I always take for granted. Humans tend to want more without realising that what we have is actually the best reward that we should appreciate and enjoy. It’s good to dream more if it acts as a motivator for you to work harder but if it refrains you from being content, you need to relook at how you perceive NIKMAT.
Alhamdulillah, my youngest brother had been discharged from hospital after 8 months of stay in acute/stroke ward. Allah is indeed the greatest and most merciful. It was a heart wrenching journey for our family and by far the most excruciating test set upon my brother and us as a family. My brother had been diagnosed with encephalomyelitis (AHEM), also known as acute haemorrhagic leukoencephalitis. It wasn’t a simple diagnosis. Doctors went from Meningitis to Meningoencephalitis to Sepsis to Autoimmune and to AHEM. Basically it involves bacterial/virus infection but unfortunately for my brother, the doctors until today couldn’t identify what sort of bacteria/virus that caused the infection. My brother was a healthy, smart young boy with a promising career ahead of him. He just graduated from medical school and about to start his housemanship when things started to fall apart. He went into coma for more than 50 days and I still remember receiving calls from the hospital for numerous times informing us that it might be our brother’s last moment. Sleepless nights, tearful days, traveling back and forth from home to hospital , taking turns among the siblings to be at the hospital were something which I can never erase from my memory. Watching my parents crying in sadness and frustration was another thing. To hear them saying to my brother, “Syamim, Syamim anak yg baik, tak pernah buat salah dekat Pa dan Ma. Syamim anak bongsu tapi tak pernah menyusahkan Pa dan Ma…” was very hurtful. It was utterly heart-breaking and I wish I could take away the pain from them. Looking at my other brothers sobbing their heart out was so painful coz I never saw them crying at their age. In fact I forgot when was the last time I saw them crying. Everything was just bitter. But one thing I know for sure, we were there. All of us were there, stood there as one family. No matter how different our opinions could be sometimes, we were there as ONE FAMILY.
Today, my brother is able to speak, his breathing is stronger and to date he no longer needs to depend on oxygen support. He could sit (with support) on the wheelchair longer than before. His upper abdomen is getting stronger. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. My brother is the strongest person I ever know. His will to fight through this battle is mind-blowing. The Doctors who were/are treating him told us that part of the reasons why my brother could make it this far is because of his strong willpower. Until today they are still saying “your brother is a fighter” and they were right. He is a fighter. My brother is still in recovery period and I hope one day Allah will grant him a full recovery and reward him with what He thinks is the best for my brother.
This year’s Eid means a lot because my brother is home. His recovery process has been nothing but positive and my parents no longer need to travel back and forth to hospital everyday. Conversations with my brother become more meaningful these days. He said maybe Allah wanted him in this condition so that he will always remember Allah and will never miss out his prayers. He told me that he promised to Allah he would never tinggal solat. It breaks my heart no doubt but at the same time I felt grateful because Allah has embellished my brother’s path with such clarity that sometimes even a normal healthy people like me doesn’t get. My brother reminded me that the biggest NIKMAT comes in a small form of privilege. For my brother, being able to eat is the biggest NIKMAT. Now that he can’t really eat (not yet), he realized how big is NIKMAT boleh makan.
Frankly speaking, I never saw this youngest brother of mine cries except when he was a small kid. But this year’s Eid just broke that record. He cried when he salam mom. He told us “I don’t know how I made it this far but I am sure it’s because of my family. I am very thankful to all of you. I love you..” Allah has definitely given us a wonderful family. No second thought on this..
So, for all that Allah has given me – I am utterly content. I am grateful that He has given me nikmat more than I ever need. Syukur
May Allah grant you mercy, strength and patience Syamim. We love you.